In my school district the supermajority of parents are well-educated and pull in high incomes. They are also very interested in supporting our schools. PTO meetings are well-attended and these parents pay close attention to every event, including the “small things” like holiday parties.
We also have students who come from low-income households where the parents may not be nearly as involved in school.
Here is a fact of poverty: Poverty is exhausting. Living in poverty sucks up a lot of a parent’s time while it also drains away their emotional and physical energy. In many ways, it costs more to be poor than it does to be middle-class or wealthy. I often judge the poor on how they’re spending their time or money, but the fact is that I just don’t know until I’ve walked two moons in their shoes (and I haven’t…but only by the grace of God).
Our school district is highly rated in our state, and we have had some low-income parents make sacrifices to move here just so their kids can attend our schools. It takes guts to place yourself and your family in a culture that is markedly different from what you’re comfortable in the hope that your child can have a better future.
But these families usually remain separate from the higher-income families; They don’t meet up for play-dates, they don’t have a pool membership or maybe they can’t afford to play community soccer or baseball. Maybe they have just one car so they can’t drive their kids all over town like other parents do. They probably don’t feel comfortable going to PTO meetings and maybe they’re working two or three jobs to make ends meet…who knows?
Chances are they aren’t even aware that the other kids will be bringing in gifts for their teachers on the last day of school. It’s not that they’re “bad parents.” They just don’t know, or, if they do, they lack the time, energy, knowledge, or money to help their child give a gift. Who knows?
One year, on the last day before Christmas vacation, most of the students in our room were placing gifts on our first-grade teacher’s desk. As she excitedly opened several of them, I was watching one little guy squirm in his seat. I could see that it was dawning on him that the other kids were lavishing the teacher with gifts while he had nothing. He was clearly uncomfortable and I ached for him. I knew his family situation well enough to not be surprised that he came empty-handed.
More than the gift, it was perhaps the first time he was realizing how “different” he was from others. He probably wasn’t consciously thinking it through, but now life was introducing a new insecurity that – for whatever reason – his mom or dad did not have it together enough to anticipate and meet this need of his. Actually, he most likely assumed it was somehow his failure.
He slipped back to my desk and whispered to me that he did not have a gift. Imagine what he might be thinking; “The teacher will not like me because I didn’t give her a gift,” or just, “I am not as good as the other kids.” Who knows?
Heartbreaking.
I whispered something like, “Oh, Dear! You forgot! It’s all right! I have something you could give her!”
I wish I could remember what it was but it escapes me now. It was such a fast, hurried moment. It was something like a small ornament I had decorated my little work area with, or something like that. I found some wrapping paper and cut out a square of construction paper for a note.
He wrapped it up and signed his name to the small note. He smiled from ear-to-ear, so relieved.
{Note to self: This is how I feel when my hands are filled by Jesus with gifts for my Father!}
Now, this teacher had a huge heart and – seriously – he could’ve wrapped up a single Lego brick and she would have been truly thrilled. When she opened his gift she showered him with hugs and thanks and you’d have thought he’d given her the Hope Diamond! That little boy was enormously relieved and satisfied.
So, here is the final lesson in What to Give Your Kid’s Teacher for Christmas: In the end, it really is all about the kids. It’s not about What to Give the Teacher. It’s about How to Help Your Kids Give. They want to give and they want to express their love. Teachers don’t care what they get as long as it’s from the kids. I’d truly rather receive a handmade card or anything as long as the kids themselves are giving it. It important to us that the kids enjoy the giving! If you have a choice between giving a $25 gift card that you picked up yourself, or a handmade card drawn by your child…trust me, get out the crayons and paper. Everyone, especially your child, will be happier!
Tomorrow: The worst Christmas surprise ever.
Republic of Kathleen 